August 26, 2009
Well I now have 2 blogs running! The other one is more "official" and more of what I want to be doing career wise. Here is the link http://tsugallery.wordpress.com/
This is the art gallery at my alma mater Truman State University.
It was really great being able to do this, it is giving me the chance to talk about what I really enjoy, art! Maybe it will help me decide about school next fall. Right now I am still really up in the air about it, but I am beginning to have some ideas of what I may end up doing my dissertation on. :o) I will have to start doing some research and see what it turns up.
Things otherwise are going ok. The second job is taking its toll on me but I kinda like it. I have an interview tomorrow for a factory job, which I am not real keen about, but the money is great and it will only be for the next nine months or so. It will help pay the student loans and I can save some for when I decide what I am going to do.
TTFN
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
It is what it is...
Just when life seemed to be getting somewhat more managable. My daughter has been having problems with her teeth for a few months so we went to the dentist and were told all was well. Then Saturday her mouth started hurting really bad and seemed like she had some sort of sore. I just figured she busted it or burned it on something but it just kept getting worse. Today she came home crying, so we went to the doctor and then to a different dentist. She has a mess going on and its going to cost a fortune even with the insurance. Just what I need another bill!!! Oh well I guess if I get offered the job at the factory I will take it and dump one of the other jobs. (The money is too good to pass up even if I dont end up liking it. It is only a year.)
Friday, August 14, 2009
Beatae memoriae
I love my new job. It is fun, hard work, and lots of people to talk to. But tonight it makes me think of the little one I miss so much. Watching all the parents and grandparents buying school clothes and school supplies makes me miss her all the more. I try so hard to put it in the locked portion of my heart but sometimes it bubbles up to the surface and threatens to spill over. I can not let that happen. Allowing such feelings would bring me into such a state that I do not know if I would recover this time. The last time recovery was a necessity, my children needed me. This time not so much. So I must keep it locked away. Someday she will know. Someday she will read these thoughts and understand the tears which flow inside my heart.
I miss you, I love you, and there is not a day that goes by without some thought of you. Enjoy your new school year, learn all you can and stay innocent.
Grandma Shell...
I miss you, I love you, and there is not a day that goes by without some thought of you. Enjoy your new school year, learn all you can and stay innocent.
Grandma Shell...
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get."
So I have no idea why I was feeling so weird about last Sunday. I did find out there are no feelings left inside for him. :o) It is kinda weird but I like it. Still can make him do a double take though! That was awesome!!!!
Becky looked gorgeous and all grown up and Anthony is all grown up as well. Weird how kids do that. It was good to see them, only wish we had been able to sit and catch up.
Well I start a new job on Saturday(#2) probably will be taking up most of my time, but I will keep trying to write. Oh and I am going to be doing the blog for my college art gallery. Should be interesting. Not sure what all that consists of right now but I will post a link here when I start it.
TTFN
Becky looked gorgeous and all grown up and Anthony is all grown up as well. Weird how kids do that. It was good to see them, only wish we had been able to sit and catch up.
Well I start a new job on Saturday(#2) probably will be taking up most of my time, but I will keep trying to write. Oh and I am going to be doing the blog for my college art gallery. Should be interesting. Not sure what all that consists of right now but I will post a link here when I start it.
TTFN
Thursday, July 30, 2009
"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It is lovely to be silly at the right moment." - Horace (65-8BC)
Thursday, July 30, 2009
So I am sitting here with lots of questions and dilemas about this weekend and life itself. I have been thinking maybe I dont want to go to Ohio. I am feeling very insecure about school and doing all that stuff that comes with it. I just dont know, I want to be near the ocean. After this year I dont really have much to keep me here. I just cant seem to wrap my head around another five years of school in a very, very cold city. Nor the idea of becoming a professor. I cant see it. All I can see is me working at some nothing job, or maybe a gallery and spending all my time at the beach. I know stupid....I dont really care about having all the stuff, just enough...Oh hell I do not know.
As far as this weekend goes I am trying to figure out if I even remember what he is actually like. I remember he does not let much rattle him. His emotions are always hidden. So I do not even know if it is worth all the effort I am thinking of going too. If he even notices he would never admit it. The other question I have is why the hell do I even care???? I do not know.
So I am sitting here with lots of questions and dilemas about this weekend and life itself. I have been thinking maybe I dont want to go to Ohio. I am feeling very insecure about school and doing all that stuff that comes with it. I just dont know, I want to be near the ocean. After this year I dont really have much to keep me here. I just cant seem to wrap my head around another five years of school in a very, very cold city. Nor the idea of becoming a professor. I cant see it. All I can see is me working at some nothing job, or maybe a gallery and spending all my time at the beach. I know stupid....I dont really care about having all the stuff, just enough...Oh hell I do not know.
As far as this weekend goes I am trying to figure out if I even remember what he is actually like. I remember he does not let much rattle him. His emotions are always hidden. So I do not even know if it is worth all the effort I am thinking of going too. If he even notices he would never admit it. The other question I have is why the hell do I even care???? I do not know.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
"If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun." Katharine Hepburn
So in one week I will be seeing my ex-husband for the first time in seven years. I am a bit freaked out about it. This is the guy that whenever I saw him my heart skipped a beat, even on the worst day. The one I thought would be there forever. I do not know how I feel about seeing him. I have no idea what I will say. It is not like I can avoid the situation; my daughter needs to see him. He was her father for most of her young life, the one she counted on and he broke her heart too. I just hope he does not do it again
I am a different person now. God, I hope I am strong enough for this. My life is better, I am better, I learned so very much.
I am a different person now. God, I hope I am strong enough for this. My life is better, I am better, I learned so very much.
Monday, July 20, 2009
A New Direction
Monday, July 20, 2009
I wrote this for a piece in my senior thesis and I have decided to turn it into an actual story. I am starting the next section. I have no idea how long this will take so bare with me and send me your thoughts.
Imagine the year is 1917 and the place is a small town in northeast New Jersey. The cold October wind was no match for the fear Mildred felt churning inside her stomach as she stepped outside the door to her small flat. She turned up the collar on her old coat. Alone, in the early morning hours, she slowly walked through the small town she and Al had come to know as home. They moved here in the summer of 1916, shortly after the two high school sweethearts married. They came because there was talk around their old hometown, in southern Arkansas, that a hardworking man could find a decent job for decent pay, in the northeastern states. The only work in Hollygrove, Arkansas was picking cotton and that could not support the family she and Alva wanted to start. “Change was a good thing,” Al always said, but in this moment she could not see the good in any of it.
The war in Europe was escalating and everyone talked about it, there were signs and posters everywhere asking people to help the British defeat the German barbarians. The posters were encouraging everyone to conserve food, to buy Liberty bonds, and to join the military. The munitions factory started running day and night and Al began working fourteen hour shifts. One day Al came home and said he wanted to go join the Navy and help defeat the Germans. He told her that he wanted his children to grow up in a free country. On September 16, 1917 Al enlisted in the Navy and she was alone.
In one moment the dream of being a mother and a housewife was put on hold, possibly lost forever. Nevertheless, as she walked through town on that cold October morning, she understood her husband’s decision. She knew what she had to do to support him and every husband, son, and father who went to fight for her freedom and the freedom of future generations. She lowered her head as the icy wind hit her face and she turned the corner. When she looked up she realized she was not the only woman who felt the call to help. The job line in front of the factory was filled with women just like her. Her life was about to change, she just did not realize to what extent.
I wrote this for a piece in my senior thesis and I have decided to turn it into an actual story. I am starting the next section. I have no idea how long this will take so bare with me and send me your thoughts.
Imagine the year is 1917 and the place is a small town in northeast New Jersey. The cold October wind was no match for the fear Mildred felt churning inside her stomach as she stepped outside the door to her small flat. She turned up the collar on her old coat. Alone, in the early morning hours, she slowly walked through the small town she and Al had come to know as home. They moved here in the summer of 1916, shortly after the two high school sweethearts married. They came because there was talk around their old hometown, in southern Arkansas, that a hardworking man could find a decent job for decent pay, in the northeastern states. The only work in Hollygrove, Arkansas was picking cotton and that could not support the family she and Alva wanted to start. “Change was a good thing,” Al always said, but in this moment she could not see the good in any of it.
The war in Europe was escalating and everyone talked about it, there were signs and posters everywhere asking people to help the British defeat the German barbarians. The posters were encouraging everyone to conserve food, to buy Liberty bonds, and to join the military. The munitions factory started running day and night and Al began working fourteen hour shifts. One day Al came home and said he wanted to go join the Navy and help defeat the Germans. He told her that he wanted his children to grow up in a free country. On September 16, 1917 Al enlisted in the Navy and she was alone.
In one moment the dream of being a mother and a housewife was put on hold, possibly lost forever. Nevertheless, as she walked through town on that cold October morning, she understood her husband’s decision. She knew what she had to do to support him and every husband, son, and father who went to fight for her freedom and the freedom of future generations. She lowered her head as the icy wind hit her face and she turned the corner. When she looked up she realized she was not the only woman who felt the call to help. The job line in front of the factory was filled with women just like her. Her life was about to change, she just did not realize to what extent.
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